A is for Alligator

For a long time now Jackson has been able to SING the alphabet. But I can't really say that he actually KNOWS his alphabet, he gets letters right here and there but they are still pretty tricky overall. A few months ago we got him an alphabet puzzle, which he loves. But the letters are still difficult for him. There are just too many at one time to try and learn- 26 is a lot! So we have started a new project- A Letter a Day. We are going to focus on just one letter each day and hopefully that will take the confusion out of things a little bit. Today was the Letter "A" and he had so much fun doing our first picture "A is for Alligator" we had to do one more, "A is for Airplane."

After completing the pictures we went over to his Alphabet poster that hangs on his door and I asked him to show me where the "A" was. He studied it for just a moment and then was able to pick it out! An hour later we went over to the poster another time and again he spotted it. So then we went on a scavenger hunt and looked all over the house for the letter A, on cookbooks, movies, in the pantry, and each and every time he found the A's! I think this project just might work after all! Thanks to this awesome website call No Time for Flash Cards for the idea. She has so many cool art projects and pairs them with books and they are all catered to preschoolers. We have done tons of ideas and they never disappoint. Stay tuned for the next 25 letters in our learning adventure.

A Bit of a Mix Up

Jackson is growing in leaps and bounds- every single day he will say or do something that reminds me he isn't my little baby anymore, but a growing preschooler- amazing! Where in the world did the time go? When I am around little babies I am reminded of how sweet and special those times were and I do indeed miss them. But on the other hand we are just having SO MUCH FUN! Playtime is so cool now. He is really developing a sense of pretend play, so playing cars goes beyond just setting up "Line Ups". He has a multitude of construction trucks and equipment and we have created this game where we set up whole Construction Sites and act out all what the different trucks do, what the workers say to each other and add some silliness in there too. It started out with me just moving the cars around, making funny voices and acting out bulldozing, excavating, and other important worksite jobs. He would laugh, listen, and tell me which truck to do next. Now he completely takes part. He adds his own dialog and is even doing funny voices. It is so cool to see! And I am even noticing when I let him do his own independent play- me not involved, I hear him doing this completely on his own. He talks stories out and is truly "playing" with his toys. Makes me smile every time.


The past month or so I noticed a change also in the shows he was interested in watching on TV. They used to have to involve bright colors, and simple stories. He had zero interest in anything that didn't have songs or simple characters. Well his favorites have progressed into a bit older style of shows. His new favorites are Max and Ruby and Dora the Explorer. A mere few months ago you couldn't bribe him to sit through those shows- no matter how badly you needed a shower. He is also really starting to get into Disney movie's. We can actually sit together now and watch a whole movie begining to end. His personal favorites are Peter Pan and most recently Pinocchio.

In the beginning of one of his DVDs they show clips from the Wizard of OZ and I am never allowed to skip past them. He loved it, even though it was only a preview. Being as this is one of my most favorite movies of all time I was super excited. I own the movie and one afternoon I thought that I will pop it in and just give it a shot. OH. MY. GOODNESS. He LOVED it. It is now hands-down his favorite movie. He asks to watch it all the time and talks about it even more. We refer back to it in normal conversation about so many different things. For example, when I would go to Bible Study or my MUMs group I would tell him he needed to be brave in the nursery, to have courage. And he would then tell me "Just like Lion, Mommy?" We went to go get out Flue shots last week and he said he was going to have courage just like Lion and I would be proud of him. What a big boy to say something like that!! (And on a side note, he was insanely brave- never cried, whined or made a peep! the nurses were astounded that he laid so still and didn't cry. I was too!)

Well this fascination with the Wizard of OZ all started right around Christmas time. Right at the same time that there was a lot of discussion of Santa and the things he does and says. I would tell him "Santa says "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas" and then we would watch the Wizard of OZ and he would hear the witch cackle "Heh Heh Heh my Pretties! I'll get you and your little dog too!" These two stories were surrounding him and his thoughts so much you can't blame him for mixing the two up a bit. I would ask him "What does Santa say?" and he would respond every single time with "Ho Ho Ho, my Pretties!" It didn't matter how much we corrected him and explained the mix up. He stayed true to his word and believed 100% that his version was the REAL one. Who's to argue with something as cute as that?! Not us, that's for sure!

Back, Refreshed and Ready to Write!

Life comes at you fast sometimes, you know? Sometimes it is just plain hard to keep up with everything that it throws at you- along with all the extras that you used to enjoy, like reading, writing or whatever else you would play at on the side. After loosing the baby I wanted to just pour myself fully and completely into my family. I wanted to focus on Jackson and Scott and make myself focus on just how truly blessed and lucky I am. It wasn't like I forgot or anything, but I wanted to really be present. Many of you have asked me if I was going to continue writing on here because it has been so darn long (October was my last journal- yikes!). Don't worry, I love this place and I don't plan on letting it go away! I never intended to be away so long. I would lay in bed and think about all the things I want to write about here- although i stopped writing, Jackson didn't stop doing or saying silly things. But when an opportunity to write came around I just had no desire. I would rather catch up on my shows, take a nap, or cook. Cooking and baking have both really become a big thing for me. I have always loved it, but as of recently it has also turned therapeutic. It is a wonderful way to bring what is in my heart on to the table. When a person eats something that is created with love they can actually taste it.

Jackson has become my little Sue Chef. We have so much fun creating together! And because of his involvement in the cooking, I am seeing his tastes and palette growing. He is getting so much more adventurous in what he eats these days. I am finding myself making special dinners for him less and less. He is just eating what Scott and I do, and i love it! So it turns out I just needed a little hiatus- a time to rest, recoup and get myself back. Here I am and it feels GOOD!

For a long time I have been wanting to have a place online where I could store my recipes, write about my cooking adventures, review restaurants and cookbooks, all that good stuff. Well, after giving myself the long deserved break of writing, I am now overflowing with ideas and I finally took the leap and created the Culinary Blog I had been thinking of for so long. Don't worry, it isn't going to take the place of this website whatsoever. I will just have both! I would love for you all to come and check out what I am doing on there, leave me comments and let me know if there is anything you would like to see featured. It is something I am super excited about and would love the feedback! It is called My Retro Kitchen. So go and grab yourself something yummy to warm your soul and take a look around. http://www.myretrokitchen.blogspot.com/

See you tomorrow- I've missed you guys!

We Lost the Baby

I called my doctors office yesterday about 3:30 to check on my HCG levels. The nurse told me that they normally don't call back about results until the following day. I told her, "Can you please check on this sooner then later? I have been waiting six days instead of the normal 2, due to the holiday weekend and I need to know for good state of mind. I just simply can't wait any longer. I need to know already if this is a viable pregnancy or not. So i can begin to heal and move on." She told me she would leave a message and get back with me. Five minutes later my NP called me to let me know that my numbers did indeed go down, so it does look like i am in the process of miscarrying. She also wanted me to come in right away to see my Doctor because she won't be in tomorrow. So I called Scott and he left work and met me there because i had to take Jackson with me. I didn't want his little ears in that office room with me. I don't know how much he would understand, but I don't want to be answering unnecessary questions from a 2 1/2 year old. This is hard enough as it is.

I knew in my heart that this was going to be the result we would be told. i was hanging on hope, but expecting the worst. My doctor told me that I most likely had a Blighted Ovum and that these were very common. But she is recommending a D&C on me due to the fact that I am still measuring 5 weeks but I am 9 weeks along. So that means that the sack has been passed away for some time now and yet my body isn't passing it on it's own. She said on a positive side as far as my body is concerned is that my uterus is nice and strong. That is why it is holding on so well. Some women will have a weak uterus and even with a viable baby, they could loose it because their body's can't stop bleeding. So when i have a healthy pregnancy it will hold. Which she knows is the truth since I had an absolutely perfect pregnancy with Jackson. I was sent home and told to think about when i would like to have my DandC. She said if i refused one she couldn't make me, but she doesn't encourage me waiting any longer then 2 weeks due to the fear of infection. My body is just taking too long to do what it should have done already 4 weeks ago at least.

This was one thing I really didn't want to do, but I understand her reasoning. I know some women that had to have an emergency D and C a few years ago and it was pretty scary. I don't want to have to go through that either. My doctor also told me that i didn't need to wait any longer to TTC after a D and C like I thought i did. So that is a relief. I am sad, but at the same time i am glad i can just move on and move ahead. One day at a time, we will heal. Knowing is better then waiting. Thank you for all of your prayers and if you wouldn't mind to keep continuing with them to give us a healing heart and also quick healing of my body.

Please Keep Us in Your Prayers.

We could really use some faith and your prayers right now. Thursday was our very first doctor's appointment for Baby Kanengeiser. My body looks great, cervix is still closed, everything good except that my Dr. noticed some brown discharge. I have had no bleeding/spotting so this was news to me. They couldn't find a heartbeat, which isn't too suprising because i am still pretty early on (8 weeks 6 days). It isn't common to detect a heartbeat with a doppler until around 11 weeks. So when Dr. O'Neill came in the room, she brought the portable Ultrasound machine in to take a look. This is where we really starting getting nervous because we didn't see anything there either. She told us not to panic because this is a really old machine and not clear at all. But since she found some brown discharge and had a hard time seeing anything on her machine she sent me for a formal ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a sack but nothing inside. It was measuring at 5 weeks (but according to my LMP I should be 9 weeks). So this wold mean I was either not as far along as I thought or the baby stopped growing. Well we have been keeping track of everything since we were TTC. So there is really no way i was this far off. They had me go and get blood work to see if my HCG level will double by Tuesday. But I am pretty much coming to terms with the fact that I may have lost my baby. I am just so very sad. I cried off and on all day Friday, slept hard until 3:30, and then was up with my mind racing. I finally fell back to sleep and now I just feel numb. I hate this waiting. I know they are trying to be hopeful. But if there is no baby, i just want to move on. The worst part to all of this is that I completely FEEL and LOOK pregnant. I have sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, my belly is getting bigger, and until all the exams and tests I had zero spotting.

Since Friday I have had this very light brown discharge for the past three days, just when I wipe. It reminds me of the very end of a period; when it is pretty much gone but still slightly lingering. When I saw the blood a part of me was relieved that if this is ending at least it is happening soon. And then another part is soooooooo sad. And now, three days later, and it is still the same. I still have no better answer then i did a few days ago. I hate this.
I just really need some hope and faith. I went back today for more blood work to see if there is any doubling time. I am praying that my baby was just too tiny to see and is holding on. If I am doubling then i will have another ultrasound and maybe there will be a baby there.

I belong to a pregnancy forum called Pregnancy Weekly. On here I have a Birth Board where all the women are due in the same month. So we can chat, compare notes so to say, and just get some piece of mind since all these women are going through the same thing you are. It is a fantastic tool to have! Well there is a woman on my board that is going through this right now. At 8 weeks she also had an ultrasound and they discovered a sac but also no baby. Well, she was sent for blood work and her numbers did indeed double. The took her for another ultrasound and low and behold there was a tiny baby and a heartbeat! It had a 9-day growth in 7 days time. She had another u/s 6 days later and it was a 10-day growth. It still shows behind but is catching up. Her doctor is positive that the baby will be fully caught up by the second trimester. From what I understand this is more common then most people think.

After hearing her story I am given some hope. I also wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer. We are prepared for either outcome, but we aren't giving up until we know 100% that there is no chance. Then we can move ahead and try again. The waiting game is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with! All I can ask from all of you right now is to give us lots of prayers and love.

The Rumors are all True....

Come April, we will no longer be a family of three!! Yay, there is another baby on the way! We are so very, very excited! I have been trying to hold off posting anything on here until we told as many of you in person ourselves, but if we happened to miss any of you, we are so sorry!

Things are still really early, I am only 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant (I'm not counting already or anything!) But as with Jackson, I see no need to wait- goodness, I don't think it is possible for me to wait! A New Life is much too exciting to keep to one's self. I want to start documenting this pregnancy as much as I did with Jackson because I just love going back and reading my past thoughts and experiences. Plus maybe one day and Jackson and New Baby will want to read about their life while inside Mommy. The longer I wait to tell our news, the more posts I have to catch up on... and goodness knows I have had problems getting the time to post on here on a regular basis as is. I will be better- I swear.

We found out we were pregnant on Tuesday, August 4th. I knew I was going to be testing this morning and I asked Scott the night before if he wanted me to test first thing while he was home or to suprise him later with the news. He told me to wait because if he found out first thing he wouldn't have been able to concentrate at work. So as soon as he left for work, before Jackson even woke up I ran to the bathroom to take my test. And sure enough a tiny little faint line showed up. Yayyayayayayy! But of course, it was faint and I needed to retest, so off to the store we went and bought one more test- just to make sure....sure enough, we got another possitive! Luckily Scott only had to work a half a day, so I didn't have to wait long to tell our news. We're having a baby!

Reflecting on pregnancy....

This is a survery I took about being pregnant and having Jackson. I thought I would share my anwsers!

1. How old were you when your first child was born?
28

2. What month and year was your youngest child born?
February 2007

3. How did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant?
I was incredibly excited! We had decided to start trying because we heard it could take a long time for your first child. But it didn't for us- it worked first try!

4. Who did you tell first?
Scott of course

5. How many pounds did you gain during your first pregnancy?
no one's business. I hate this question more then anything else. And it isn't because I am embarrased by the number. I just don't get why people think it is OK to ask a woman how much she weighs?!

6. What did you crave while you were pregnant?
Meat (not to be confused with beets, Sandy!!)! particularly red meat. I could have eatten it at every meal.

7. Did you find out the gender of your first child? Why or why not?
Yes! We were so excited to know and be able to start calling him by name.

8. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy?
no, thank goodness. We were very blessed with a perfectly healthy pregnancy.

9. How much did your first child weigh?
7lbs 0 oz.

10. Was your first child early, late, or on time?
I was induced on his due date. I will never be induced again, unless I absolutly have too. Ugh.

11. What is the most difficult challenge or health issue that any of your children have faced?
We are also very blessed that we haven't faced any health issues with our son. When he was born he had to stay in the hospital for a week because he was jaundice. But it wasn't terribly serious, just serious enough to need the light treatment. Being a first time mom, at the time I was a mess over it. But if that is the only challenge- I'll take it!

12. What's your favorite part of being a mom?
Everything! I always dreamed that I would be a mom one day. Just like some women know that they are destined to become a doctor, lawer or other business woman- I knew I was to be a mother. Of course it has it struggles and frustrations at times, but it is all worth it.

13. Do you think it's easier to be a mom or a dad?
they are both the two hardest jobs in the world.

14. What is the best piece of advice you could give to someone who is about to have their first child?
I love my sisters answer- take every single moment in because they change so very, very fast. It is so true!

15. Did you always think you'd have kids?
yes! See answer # 12

16. What's been the biggest surprise about motherhood?
how complete it has made my life. Scott and I sit around now and it never fails but one of us will always say- what in the world did we do with ourselves before having Jackson?! Also, I am amazed at how much love I could possibly feel for my son. I thought I had loved with my whole heart before- but nothing compaires to a mothers love for her child.

17. Are there things you miss about life before kids?
I loved being able to sleep in when I wanted and doing "nothing" when we felt like it. But oh what trivial things these are!

18. How many children do you have?
1 little boy, Jackson

19. Do you plan to have any more children?
definately!

20. Who's the mom that you admire most?
my mom! She is the most amazing woman I know.