I called my doctors office yesterday about 3:30 to check on my HCG levels. The nurse told me that they normally don't call back about results until the following day. I told her, "Can you please check on this sooner then later? I have been waiting six days instead of the normal 2, due to the holiday weekend and I need to know for good state of mind. I just simply can't wait any longer. I need to know already if this is a viable pregnancy or not. So i can begin to heal and move on." She told me she would leave a message and get back with me. Five minutes later my NP called me to let me know that my numbers did indeed go down, so it does look like i am in the process of miscarrying. She also wanted me to come in right away to see my Doctor because she won't be in tomorrow. So I called Scott and he left work and met me there because i had to take Jackson with me. I didn't want his little ears in that office room with me. I don't know how much he would understand, but I don't want to be answering unnecessary questions from a 2 1/2 year old. This is hard enough as it is.
I knew in my heart that this was going to be the result we would be told. i was hanging on hope, but expecting the worst. My doctor told me that I most likely had a Blighted Ovum and that these were very common. But she is recommending a D&C on me due to the fact that I am still measuring 5 weeks but I am 9 weeks along. So that means that the sack has been passed away for some time now and yet my body isn't passing it on it's own. She said on a positive side as far as my body is concerned is that my uterus is nice and strong. That is why it is holding on so well. Some women will have a weak uterus and even with a viable baby, they could loose it because their body's can't stop bleeding. So when i have a healthy pregnancy it will hold. Which she knows is the truth since I had an absolutely perfect pregnancy with Jackson. I was sent home and told to think about when i would like to have my DandC. She said if i refused one she couldn't make me, but she doesn't encourage me waiting any longer then 2 weeks due to the fear of infection. My body is just taking too long to do what it should have done already 4 weeks ago at least.
This was one thing I really didn't want to do, but I understand her reasoning. I know some women that had to have an emergency D and C a few years ago and it was pretty scary. I don't want to have to go through that either. My doctor also told me that i didn't need to wait any longer to TTC after a D and C like I thought i did. So that is a relief. I am sad, but at the same time i am glad i can just move on and move ahead. One day at a time, we will heal. Knowing is better then waiting. Thank you for all of your prayers and if you wouldn't mind to keep continuing with them to give us a healing heart and also quick healing of my body.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Please Keep Us in Your Prayers.
We could really use some faith and your prayers right now. Thursday was our very first doctor's appointment for Baby Kanengeiser. My body looks great, cervix is still closed, everything good except that my Dr. noticed some brown discharge. I have had no bleeding/spotting so this was news to me. They couldn't find a heartbeat, which isn't too suprising because i am still pretty early on (8 weeks 6 days). It isn't common to detect a heartbeat with a doppler until around 11 weeks. So when Dr. O'Neill came in the room, she brought the portable Ultrasound machine in to take a look. This is where we really starting getting nervous because we didn't see anything there either. She told us not to panic because this is a really old machine and not clear at all. But since she found some brown discharge and had a hard time seeing anything on her machine she sent me for a formal ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a sack but nothing inside. It was measuring at 5 weeks (but according to my LMP I should be 9 weeks). So this wold mean I was either not as far along as I thought or the baby stopped growing. Well we have been keeping track of everything since we were TTC. So there is really no way i was this far off. They had me go and get blood work to see if my HCG level will double by Tuesday. But I am pretty much coming to terms with the fact that I may have lost my baby. I am just so very sad. I cried off and on all day Friday, slept hard until 3:30, and then was up with my mind racing. I finally fell back to sleep and now I just feel numb. I hate this waiting. I know they are trying to be hopeful. But if there is no baby, i just want to move on. The worst part to all of this is that I completely FEEL and LOOK pregnant. I have sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, my belly is getting bigger, and until all the exams and tests I had zero spotting.
Since Friday I have had this very light brown discharge for the past three days, just when I wipe. It reminds me of the very end of a period; when it is pretty much gone but still slightly lingering. When I saw the blood a part of me was relieved that if this is ending at least it is happening soon. And then another part is soooooooo sad. And now, three days later, and it is still the same. I still have no better answer then i did a few days ago. I hate this.
I just really need some hope and faith. I went back today for more blood work to see if there is any doubling time. I am praying that my baby was just too tiny to see and is holding on. If I am doubling then i will have another ultrasound and maybe there will be a baby there.
I belong to a pregnancy forum called Pregnancy Weekly. On here I have a Birth Board where all the women are due in the same month. So we can chat, compare notes so to say, and just get some piece of mind since all these women are going through the same thing you are. It is a fantastic tool to have! Well there is a woman on my board that is going through this right now. At 8 weeks she also had an ultrasound and they discovered a sac but also no baby. Well, she was sent for blood work and her numbers did indeed double. The took her for another ultrasound and low and behold there was a tiny baby and a heartbeat! It had a 9-day growth in 7 days time. She had another u/s 6 days later and it was a 10-day growth. It still shows behind but is catching up. Her doctor is positive that the baby will be fully caught up by the second trimester. From what I understand this is more common then most people think.
After hearing her story I am given some hope. I also wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer. We are prepared for either outcome, but we aren't giving up until we know 100% that there is no chance. Then we can move ahead and try again. The waiting game is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with! All I can ask from all of you right now is to give us lots of prayers and love.
Since Friday I have had this very light brown discharge for the past three days, just when I wipe. It reminds me of the very end of a period; when it is pretty much gone but still slightly lingering. When I saw the blood a part of me was relieved that if this is ending at least it is happening soon. And then another part is soooooooo sad. And now, three days later, and it is still the same. I still have no better answer then i did a few days ago. I hate this.
I just really need some hope and faith. I went back today for more blood work to see if there is any doubling time. I am praying that my baby was just too tiny to see and is holding on. If I am doubling then i will have another ultrasound and maybe there will be a baby there.
I belong to a pregnancy forum called Pregnancy Weekly. On here I have a Birth Board where all the women are due in the same month. So we can chat, compare notes so to say, and just get some piece of mind since all these women are going through the same thing you are. It is a fantastic tool to have! Well there is a woman on my board that is going through this right now. At 8 weeks she also had an ultrasound and they discovered a sac but also no baby. Well, she was sent for blood work and her numbers did indeed double. The took her for another ultrasound and low and behold there was a tiny baby and a heartbeat! It had a 9-day growth in 7 days time. She had another u/s 6 days later and it was a 10-day growth. It still shows behind but is catching up. Her doctor is positive that the baby will be fully caught up by the second trimester. From what I understand this is more common then most people think.
After hearing her story I am given some hope. I also wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer. We are prepared for either outcome, but we aren't giving up until we know 100% that there is no chance. Then we can move ahead and try again. The waiting game is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with! All I can ask from all of you right now is to give us lots of prayers and love.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Rumors are all True....
Come April, we will no longer be a family of three!! Yay, there is another baby on the way! We are so very, very excited! I have been trying to hold off posting anything on here until we told as many of you in person ourselves, but if we happened to miss any of you, we are so sorry!
Things are still really early, I am only 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant (I'm not counting already or anything!) But as with Jackson, I see no need to wait- goodness, I don't think it is possible for me to wait! A New Life is much too exciting to keep to one's self. I want to start documenting this pregnancy as much as I did with Jackson because I just love going back and reading my past thoughts and experiences. Plus maybe one day and Jackson and New Baby will want to read about their life while inside Mommy. The longer I wait to tell our news, the more posts I have to catch up on... and goodness knows I have had problems getting the time to post on here on a regular basis as is. I will be better- I swear.
We found out we were pregnant on Tuesday, August 4th. I knew I was going to be testing this morning and I asked Scott the night before if he wanted me to test first thing while he was home or to suprise him later with the news. He told me to wait because if he found out first thing he wouldn't have been able to concentrate at work. So as soon as he left for work, before Jackson even woke up I ran to the bathroom to take my test. And sure enough a tiny little faint line showed up. Yayyayayayayy! But of course, it was faint and I needed to retest, so off to the store we went and bought one more test- just to make sure....sure enough, we got another possitive! Luckily Scott only had to work a half a day, so I didn't have to wait long to tell our news. We're having a baby!
Things are still really early, I am only 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant (I'm not counting already or anything!) But as with Jackson, I see no need to wait- goodness, I don't think it is possible for me to wait! A New Life is much too exciting to keep to one's self. I want to start documenting this pregnancy as much as I did with Jackson because I just love going back and reading my past thoughts and experiences. Plus maybe one day and Jackson and New Baby will want to read about their life while inside Mommy. The longer I wait to tell our news, the more posts I have to catch up on... and goodness knows I have had problems getting the time to post on here on a regular basis as is. I will be better- I swear.
We found out we were pregnant on Tuesday, August 4th. I knew I was going to be testing this morning and I asked Scott the night before if he wanted me to test first thing while he was home or to suprise him later with the news. He told me to wait because if he found out first thing he wouldn't have been able to concentrate at work. So as soon as he left for work, before Jackson even woke up I ran to the bathroom to take my test. And sure enough a tiny little faint line showed up. Yayyayayayayy! But of course, it was faint and I needed to retest, so off to the store we went and bought one more test- just to make sure....sure enough, we got another possitive! Luckily Scott only had to work a half a day, so I didn't have to wait long to tell our news. We're having a baby!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Reflecting on pregnancy....
This is a survery I took about being pregnant and having Jackson. I thought I would share my anwsers!
1. How old were you when your first child was born?
28
2. What month and year was your youngest child born?
February 2007
3. How did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant?
I was incredibly excited! We had decided to start trying because we heard it could take a long time for your first child. But it didn't for us- it worked first try!
4. Who did you tell first?
Scott of course
5. How many pounds did you gain during your first pregnancy?
no one's business. I hate this question more then anything else. And it isn't because I am embarrased by the number. I just don't get why people think it is OK to ask a woman how much she weighs?!
6. What did you crave while you were pregnant?
Meat (not to be confused with beets, Sandy!!)! particularly red meat. I could have eatten it at every meal.
7. Did you find out the gender of your first child? Why or why not?
Yes! We were so excited to know and be able to start calling him by name.
8. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy?
no, thank goodness. We were very blessed with a perfectly healthy pregnancy.
9. How much did your first child weigh?
7lbs 0 oz.
10. Was your first child early, late, or on time?
I was induced on his due date. I will never be induced again, unless I absolutly have too. Ugh.
11. What is the most difficult challenge or health issue that any of your children have faced?
We are also very blessed that we haven't faced any health issues with our son. When he was born he had to stay in the hospital for a week because he was jaundice. But it wasn't terribly serious, just serious enough to need the light treatment. Being a first time mom, at the time I was a mess over it. But if that is the only challenge- I'll take it!
12. What's your favorite part of being a mom?
Everything! I always dreamed that I would be a mom one day. Just like some women know that they are destined to become a doctor, lawer or other business woman- I knew I was to be a mother. Of course it has it struggles and frustrations at times, but it is all worth it.
13. Do you think it's easier to be a mom or a dad?
they are both the two hardest jobs in the world.
14. What is the best piece of advice you could give to someone who is about to have their first child?
I love my sisters answer- take every single moment in because they change so very, very fast. It is so true!
15. Did you always think you'd have kids?
yes! See answer # 12
16. What's been the biggest surprise about motherhood?
how complete it has made my life. Scott and I sit around now and it never fails but one of us will always say- what in the world did we do with ourselves before having Jackson?! Also, I am amazed at how much love I could possibly feel for my son. I thought I had loved with my whole heart before- but nothing compaires to a mothers love for her child.
17. Are there things you miss about life before kids?
I loved being able to sleep in when I wanted and doing "nothing" when we felt like it. But oh what trivial things these are!
18. How many children do you have?
1 little boy, Jackson
19. Do you plan to have any more children?
definately!
20. Who's the mom that you admire most?
my mom! She is the most amazing woman I know.
1. How old were you when your first child was born?
28
2. What month and year was your youngest child born?
February 2007
3. How did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant?
I was incredibly excited! We had decided to start trying because we heard it could take a long time for your first child. But it didn't for us- it worked first try!
4. Who did you tell first?
Scott of course
5. How many pounds did you gain during your first pregnancy?
no one's business. I hate this question more then anything else. And it isn't because I am embarrased by the number. I just don't get why people think it is OK to ask a woman how much she weighs?!
6. What did you crave while you were pregnant?
Meat (not to be confused with beets, Sandy!!)! particularly red meat. I could have eatten it at every meal.
7. Did you find out the gender of your first child? Why or why not?
Yes! We were so excited to know and be able to start calling him by name.
8. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy?
no, thank goodness. We were very blessed with a perfectly healthy pregnancy.
9. How much did your first child weigh?
7lbs 0 oz.
10. Was your first child early, late, or on time?
I was induced on his due date. I will never be induced again, unless I absolutly have too. Ugh.
11. What is the most difficult challenge or health issue that any of your children have faced?
We are also very blessed that we haven't faced any health issues with our son. When he was born he had to stay in the hospital for a week because he was jaundice. But it wasn't terribly serious, just serious enough to need the light treatment. Being a first time mom, at the time I was a mess over it. But if that is the only challenge- I'll take it!
12. What's your favorite part of being a mom?
Everything! I always dreamed that I would be a mom one day. Just like some women know that they are destined to become a doctor, lawer or other business woman- I knew I was to be a mother. Of course it has it struggles and frustrations at times, but it is all worth it.
13. Do you think it's easier to be a mom or a dad?
they are both the two hardest jobs in the world.
14. What is the best piece of advice you could give to someone who is about to have their first child?
I love my sisters answer- take every single moment in because they change so very, very fast. It is so true!
15. Did you always think you'd have kids?
yes! See answer # 12
16. What's been the biggest surprise about motherhood?
how complete it has made my life. Scott and I sit around now and it never fails but one of us will always say- what in the world did we do with ourselves before having Jackson?! Also, I am amazed at how much love I could possibly feel for my son. I thought I had loved with my whole heart before- but nothing compaires to a mothers love for her child.
17. Are there things you miss about life before kids?
I loved being able to sleep in when I wanted and doing "nothing" when we felt like it. But oh what trivial things these are!
18. How many children do you have?
1 little boy, Jackson
19. Do you plan to have any more children?
definately!
20. Who's the mom that you admire most?
my mom! She is the most amazing woman I know.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Happy Birthday Daddy!
This morning Jackson and I came up with a list of some of our favorite things about Daddy. Here they are! We love how much of a hard worker you are. You get a wonderful idea in your head, and you don't stop until it is just-so. We love how much fun you are! You know just the perfect thing to say to bring a smile to our face and a huge laugh right from our bellys. You are perfect at "being silly on the couch"- Little Man asks for it daily! We love your devotion to your family and the love that so easily pours from your heart. Never a day goes by where we wonder how loved we are. And one just from your wife- I love how you are the perfect other half of me. Your heart knows how to speak to mine. Watching you be the head of this household, the father of our Jackson, and the husband any woman would be lucky to have (but too bad for them- you are all mine!) makes my heart grow bigger every day. Happy birthday my love!
Friday, June 26, 2009
I blame it on the beautiful weather....
Again here I am apologizing for taking so very, very long to post now journal updates! I am sorry!!! Although this is our third summer here, this seems like the first year of really enjoying our wonderful yard! This year we have decided is going to be the Summer of Yard Improvements. We want to love our house and yard, and take full advantage of the space we have.
It is the end of June and already I am so excited and impressed with what we have already accomplished! Since the Spring, we have built a privacy fence which now gives us a cute little patio; we have cleared beds and layed mulch; we have expanded my herb garden once again and built up the wall surrounding it; and the biggest project has to be the amazing swingset that Scott, my dad, Don and Neil built.
There is still much we want to do, and I am sure every year something new will come up. But this is fun work and one that pays off right away. You can actually SEE where your sweat, money and hard work went to. Awesome.
I need to get running to the grocery store for the company we are having tonight. Entertaining in our new yard of course! But please check back for lots of new updates and pictues (OBX 2009 vacation included!)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Swings and Things
This summer will mark our third year in our sweet little home. The first summer I was quite pregnant, so doing much yard work wasn't really something I was too interrested in. So many things waited. Last year, after assessing the trees, bushes and a heck of a lot of weeds, Scott went to work big time clearing out much of the mess that was the back of our yard. We let winter do it's job and clear out the rest. Now it is spring again, and we are in full swing to get our yard a place we really want to spend time in. Jackson is ALL boy, hunting for bugs, collecting sticks and lining up rocks are amongst his favorite outdoor past times. But we realized very quickly now that he is full on the move, that this kid has A LOT of energy and needs more ways of buring it off! So this month we are building a swingset for our Little Man and a picninc table for us! Right now, I don't know who is more excited, me or Jackson. As a kid I was the swinging champion (Bonnie many try and argue this fact that she was indeed that, but don't listen to her...haha). I can't wait to have a place to play- don't get me wrong, collecting stuff is cool and all. It will just fun to have something else to do as well! Construction starts on May 16th, so expect pictures to follow! Yay!
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